Dealing with conflict in the classroom

This term has seen some significant changes in my classroom. Due to an almost school-wide reshuffle, my classroom lost 4 students and gained 5 more from another, younger classroom. This was something that my class really struggled to cope with. Prior to the class change-up, room six worked hard to create a close-knit classroom.  Everyone was mates, and nobody wanted their mates to leave. At the same time, the new students were coming into an unfamiliar classroom environment - one which had a very close bond. This made the new students feel somewhat unwelcome and apprehensive to join their new classroom.


This term we have had to work hard to work hard to establish a new classroom culture, where both new and original room sixers feel included, safe and happy. This is an honest reflection of the realisations I have come to.

Here are some important things I have discovered when dealing with conflict in the classroom

Getting to the bottom of problems ASAP

As soon as I have gotten wind of a problem, I have made it my priority to deal with it straight away. Sometimes this has meant that I have had to leave the rest of the classroom whilst dealing with a small group. I think this has helped because things were not left to escalate, or become worse by others getting involved.

Two sides to every story

This is something that we all know- but do our students?  Before starting a restorative conversation, I have learnt the value of expressing this to my learners. There are two sides to every story, and there are always truths on both sides. Emphasising this fact helped my learners to understand that I was willing to listen and support both parties. As a result, situations were calmed down because both parties knew that I cared and would listen to what they had to say.

Compartmentalising problems

I noticed that often the 'big problem' between the two parties was created from many smaller, unrelated problems.  Some of these problems involved intentional unkind acts, whilst others were not.  I felt that it was really important for the students to see that while there were some instances of meanness, other times it was just misinterpreted and innocent.


As a group we work through each problem in isolation. Initially this is difficult, as students will bring up other issues when trying to deal with the one problem in particular. I needed to remind the group that we would make sure we shared and solved each problem, but it was important to focus on one at a time.

Asking why

A problem isn't solved unless you get to the root of it, and find out what caused it in the first place. Asking why helped to find out more details, understand the feelings and thoughts behind actions, and also find out how the problem began. It also helped to discover when actions were intentional or just misinterpreted. The more information you ask for, the better you understand the problem and how best to solve it.

Taking time to talk, listen and say sorry (and mean it)

It turns out that one of the biggest problems we had this week was due to a fight that happened last year.  There a physical altercation between two groups and it was broken up by the teachers.  It turns out they were still holding onto what happened a year ago, because they never actually dealt with the problem.  Instead, they were just told to apologise.  This meant that body language, meaningless comments and moods were misinterpreted as angst towards the other group.


The biggest problem with this is that they never able to move forward because there was never any restorative conversation.  Instead, their anger was just left to fester and become much worse. It can be easy to just make children apologise and expect them to move on. However I have seen the value of taking time to allow all learners to share their perspective of what happened, why and how it made them feel.  It was much easier to give a genuine apology once they understood the thoughts and feelings behind the actions. Following that comes the joint decision of how to move forward.

Understanding learners cultures and family backgrounds

This is probably the biggest thing I have learnt. Due to their cultural and family backgrounds, children deal with conflict in different ways. At home, some children are free to share their problems. Others are expected to 'suck it up' and never voice their problems. Some children are even punished for speaking their minds. It was pretty naive of me to think that all learners would be able to voice their issues with ease.  In fact, this turned out to be a huge barrier to dealing with conflict.  This had meant that small issues were left to fester, leaving all parties more upset, angry and confused.


It is really important that students know that they have permission to share what is making them angry, hurt and upset.  In saying this, it is also important to acknowledge that all families deal with problems differently, and that is okay. The last thing I would want is to come across disrespectful towards my students families and cultures. While stressing this to my learners, I also explained that at school we need to be able to talk about our problems so we can solve them together and move on.

And lastly...

Everyone always says it, but it is so crucial to know your learner.  I have found that if students feel valued and cared for, they are more likely to open up and respond better to restorative conversations. The hardest students to get to talk were the new students to room six.  Building rapport takes time to develop but I feel it can make such a difference.

Summing it up

This week has been quite the challenge. I have seen how important it is to deal with problems as soon as they arise. I also have learnt that students home lives and cultures can play a huge roll in how they deal with conflict. This can make it difficult for some learners to openly express their feelings. In saying this, it is super important that students understand that they are encouraged to share what is bothering them. At first it felt personal that my learners were unwilling to share how they were feeling.  But taking the time to the right ask questions allowed me to learn so much more about my learners.

Getting real about meanness

Over the last couple of weeks I had noticed a change in some of my students behaviour. There has been some unkind comments towards other classmates and bad sportsmanship happening. While this change in behaviour was in its beginning stages, I decided to do something about it ASAP before it got worse. Here is what happened!

Wordcloud of 'mean' words

Word cloud created on Tagul

I know my learners are awesome and good kids, so I wanted to shock them and make them reflect on their words and actions. First up, I displayed a word cloud on the SMART board.  I got them to have a long, hard look at the words. Then, I asked if any of the words could be used to describe themselves. A lot of them said yes. We talked about the fact that these were mean and negative words. Then I told them that I actually created the word cloud based on what I was seeing in the classroom. My students looked a mixture of shock and guilt. I asked them whether they felt proud of those words, obviously nobody was.  I also reinforced the point that I believed my students were good, kind kids and that it was important that they understood how their actions and words affect others.

Creating a not-so-pretty picture

Next up, we had a look at the mean things that were being said in our classroom. Sticky-notes and felts were handed out. I asked the class to write down all the 'mean' things that have been said about them. For this one instance, I allowed them to also record swears, except with asterisks instead. I understand that it may be controversial to do so, but I felt it was needed as I wanted to be real with the kids and I wanted them to see all the mean things on paper.

I was surprised by how open my students were when it came to writing and sharing their sticky notes. Some students were okay with putting their own up, while others preferred me to come around and take them. My whiteboard quickly filled up with sticky notes. It did not paint a pretty picture. Again, the students reflected on what was up on the whiteboard. I read most of them outloud, which shocked the class. Then I asked them to put their hand up if someone in our class had said some of the mean things to them. All but one student put their hand up.

Consequences of meanness

Next, we used AnswerGarden to answer the question How does it feel when people say mean things?  AnswerGarden was a great tool to use for this particular activity because we could see common thoughts/feelings the class feel as a result of meanness. Again, we talked a lot about the ideas shared on the sticky notes and the direct consequences they had on our classmates. I reiterated that sometimes people don't mean to hurt other people, but it is important to realise how words and actions can affect people. I also reminded them that I knew that they are better than this, and that knowing effect of words/actions will help them to make better choices.

Stepping up and taking action

Following all the heavy stuff, I wanted to turn the mood around. I chose to talk about being a bystander vs stepping up and looking out for our classmates. I chose to use this particular YouTube clip because it had a few powerful messages, as well as an array of famous people that the students would know. My class was able to take away the key messages that were in the clip. While they understood the power of their negative words, they also realised the power they had to help someone in need of a friend.

Lastly we used Mentimeter to so share our ideas about what we could do to ensure we are being kind. I decided to make a connection to my initial  'mean' wordcloud, by asking my learners to share how they want to be remembered/described. Next students came up with ideas in response to the question: What can you do to make sure you are being a kind person. The class came up with heaps of ideas (64 to be exact) and we had a discussion about most of them. The mood had changed and the class was positive. I could really tell that they were thinking carefully about what they could do to be a kind person. Lastsly, students shared their ideas about why it is important to be kind.  They used what they had learnt from the lesson to come up with some serious ideas. 

Summing it up

I was very pleased with how this lesson went because it did have the potential to go wrong.  My students showed maturity, empathy and understanding throughout the lesson. I was relieved that my class was open and willing to participate in the lesson.  I understand that it took courage to share the mean things being said, as well as how it affects them. But it also meant that the learning was more powerful, as everyone was serious and honest. Talking about mean words and the effect it has on people seemed to strike a chord with class.  It was important to use a lot of wait time, as I wanted to make sure my learners were thinking about the seriousness of our lesson. It was equally important for me to turn it around into positives, by reminding them that I knew they were good kids and that it was up to them to make it right.